True Stories...maybe...

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior

Edna Johnston

*    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *

Weird Sex Laws

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between embers of
the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude.
(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a
sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes, lest
the reflection give curious strangers a free show.

Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people
having sex in a car.

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers
aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who
thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three
times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to
investigate.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female
partner is having a sexual orgasm.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute
on Sunday afternoons.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each
guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are
married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are
wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because
"The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman
should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's
permission.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex
while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There
was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.)

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or
fishing on your wedding day.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin
beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple
rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor
between the beds!

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man
while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name
will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any
punishment.

In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex
without a permit.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style
position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Willowdale, Oregon no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin
under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).

*    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *

Just the sweater

Cross my heart this happened to this guy who lives in Westchester, NY,
and goes to school at Ithaca College.

For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also
from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never
had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters
up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner
plans for Saturday night.

Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and
drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad
shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either
throwing up or using the bathroom.

After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but
he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to

cancel the date, because he's afraid she won't ever talk to him again.

So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City
(about a 30 minute ride).

They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the
appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the
appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again
during the entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels
another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom
freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides,
but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this
little bit
of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course).

Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little
surprise.
"Oh crap," he thinks (and feels).

Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero
immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting
on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of
dessert,
trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants

(a) start to smell, or
(b) start to show stains on the outside.

He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant.
Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the
train station, they pass the Gap.

"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at
last week?" he asks.

"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies.

They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions
are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up.
Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the
khakis.

After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit,
he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date
(still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she
doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater,

so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read
lips
from 40 feet away) "Just the pants."

"What?" asks the Gap girl.

"Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.)

Gap girl: "Oh, OK."

He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave
the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station
and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down,
our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of
the car.

He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off
his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws
them
out the window.

After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out.......
just the sweater.

*    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *