Ethnic

A Guy goes into the store and asks the clerk, "I'd like some Polish
Sausage."

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you polish?" The guy says, "Well,
yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was
Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was
German?? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?"

The clerk says "Well, no."

The guys says, "WELL, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask
for Polish sausage????"

The clerk says "Because this is a hardware store."

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says
that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat
on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll
crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl
the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and
falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When
he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into
bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the
next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him."So, you've been
out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" He asks as
he puts on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They
are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I
come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's,
you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself
will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come
from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place,
Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink.
You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come
from, there's this place, Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy
you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you
your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" said the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen
to you?" "No," he replied, "but it happened to my sister!"

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Englishman's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers!

The Englishman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."

Two holes further along, the Irishman's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either!

The Irishman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

With that, the Irishman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."

Three holes further on, the Scotsman's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers!

The Scotsman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

The Scotsman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."