POWERBEAR

Aggie Jokes

For those of you who don't know any better, an Aggie is any person who has distinguished themselves by attending Texas A&M University. When you graduate, you don't become an ex-Aggie. Once an Aggie, always an Aggie, for better or worse!.

In the rest room an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the
urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his
hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to
the other two men and commented, "I graduated from OU, and I was taught to be clean." The
lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and
commented, "I graduated from Baylor and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas A&M, and
they taught us not to pee on our hands.

The huge corn-fed Aggie decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the Aggie. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The Aggie hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

This farmer had a sick cat and called the Agricultural extension agent in town to see what could be done for it. The Vet asked the farmer what the problem was.

After the farmer explained his problem, the Aggie told the farmer to give it a pint of castor oil.

The farmer asked, "A whole pint?" and the Aggie replied, "sure that'll fix it right up."

The next day the Aggie saw the farmer in town and asked him how the sick calf was getting along.

"You fool!" the farmer exclaimed, "That wasn't a calf, it was a cat!"

The Aggie said, "Oh my goodness, did you give it the whole pint of castor oil?"

"Sure did," the farmer replied.

"What happened, where's the cat now?" asked the Aggie.

The farmer pointing said, "The last time I saw that cat, he was going over yonder hill with five others, two were digging, two were covering up, and one was scouting for new territory..."

A&M's football coach was asked his secret of evaluating raw recruits.
"Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that go around the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run into the trees, I turn into linemen."

Three convicts were on their way to prison; a mobster, a drunk, and a Texas Aggie. Each was allowed to take one item to help pass the time while incarcerated. On the bus, the drunk guy turned to the mobster and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The mobster pulled out a box of paints and explained that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the da Vinci of the prison system. Then he asked the drunk, "What did you bring?"

He then pulled out a deck of cards, grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."

The Aggie was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

Pulling out a box of tampons, he said with a smile, "I brought these."

Puzzled, the other two convicts asked, "What can you do with THOSE?"

Pointing to the box, he replied with a grin, "Well, according to the box, I can go horseback-riding, swimming, roller-skating..."

Updated 2/11/05
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